Moving Forward

Back around Christmas, I wrote in a post that my sister and her husband were losing the foster child they had cared for since that March. The child's g'parents had come from Mexico and wanted him back. Well, for reasons that will likely never be known, the case was dragged out another 6 weeks. This morning they gave Patrick to his Grandparents to in theory, return to Mexico.

To people who have not been exposed to foster care, adoption, or social services, their story may seem just dreadful (and it is). It's full of twists and turns and unbelievable decisions, that if they hadn't lived it, I'd think someone was taking liberties with the truth. Yet, as I've been sensitized to their experience, I've noticed stories recently that aren't all that different from theirs in terms of heartbreak, information exchange that at best could be considered lacking between the state agency and foster parents, deadlines that come and go, and a process that while it has to be flexible because it's dealing with our most precious assets of families and children, is so dysfunctionl and paralized, it makes corporate and political scandle pale in comparison.

My sister and her husband are pursing all potential options to become permanent parents. Which is another heartbreak--so many unfit parents, abused and unloved children are out there, yet I could easily tick off 5 couples after my sister and brother-in-law that I know presonally who want to become parents and are having to navigate the field of adoption often for years. One would think that the foster care and social services agencies would be working to fill this void. That a comprehensive look at how we approach child and family issues is in order. Do we create legislation that says if you are high on drugs while pregnant or when giving birth that you lose your child, no questions asked. Or that if you are convicted of a violent crime or serious felony, you lose your kids? What happens then to all these older kids in the system who are more difficult to place and adjust in families.

All these gut wrenching stories and no way to apply the same approach to case 'A' as to case 'B' and 'C', because each is different. So frustrating. I freely admit I know next to nothing about the system, except for an internship in college many years ago that helped soldify for me that juvenile and family court was not a professional path I wanted to pursue. We've tried to legislate ourselves out of the problem and it's not worked, there are to be sure agencies and non-profits that are trying to do something, but what is the panecea to this issue of a broken system?