Finally--SNOW

We have been skunked and good this winter by the snow.  We've had little dustings here and there, but by and large, by a matter of a few miles, we have been missed completely by the snow.  Where we live for some reason I have yet to understand, even after nearly 20 years here, our region is always on the edge of a storm.  Movement a little bit can drastically change what we get, so we've gotten excited about a couple storms this year, only to be disappointed.  But now, we are supposed to get between 4 and 8 inches!!!  The biggest storm we've had in a couple years.

I hate the cold.  There is absolutely NOTHING I like about the cold. But snow, I LOVE snow.  For the first 36 hours after it falls.  Then I'd like it to just disappear and come back anew with the next storm. If I have to deal with the cold (anything less than 50 really), then I want a couple bursts of snow.  Clearly I didn't think this through when I decided to move here, but if I could do it again, I might choose to live somewhere warmer.

There were $124 fares on USAir advertised last fall that were good in Jan.-Mar.  I looked closely at those fares, but as we were slated to go to Europe, felt I couldn't book a trip in the winter and I'd survived the last couple winters without the Florida warm up.  Until this year.  Oh man.

So, I'm beyond excited that we are supposed to get a decent storm out of this.

They Have an App For That

I recently began thinking about the blog again.  It used to be super difficult to post photos and while user friendly, didn't have a lot of customization available, but it worked.  Come to find out, Blogger now has an app.  Of course they do!

I trace the decrease in my posts to my joining facebook.  I like that I have a little bit more in the way of privacy settings.  I guess I could make this blog private...

Then I remembered printing out 2 years worth of the blog and trotted that out.  The kids and I spent an hour this afternoon laughing over the stories I shared about them when they were babies.  It's fun to be at the point where they can read through the book and also makes me happy I've been careful about what I write.

I'm probably not going to post their current pictures on here and will re-focus this to be more about me than them.  More later...

RSVP--the lost meaning

RSVP--Répondez S'il Vous Plait is French for please respond.  I take that to mean that I am supposed to reply either way if I can or cannot attend.  People don't want to commit, or can't commit because of over scheduled lives and then forget to RSVP (I'm guilty of that). It drives me crazy.  As host, you are left wondering if people didn't get the invite, or what their plans may be.  As guest, you feel silly when you RSVP and are told that it's just regrets they are after.  If regrets only are what you are after, then by all means, say 'Regrets only'.  Makes life easier for everyone.  Just my PSA for the day.

Another snow day

Here it is, March 17th, and the kids are home from school on a snow day.  A legitimate one this time--a whopping 6-7 inches.  I hear we've had 9 (maybe this is number 10) snow days this year.  At the beginning, they were calling snow days when snow was forecast, even if nothing had fallen from the sky.  They got burned a couple times on that one--even if it is not unusual for where we live.  Now they seem to be waiting for the stuff to actually fall. 

I will have to remind myself of this next year, but the reasons given for having a snow day (and calling before flakes fly) is that it doesn't take much snow to completely paralyze people around here (again, not completely off the mark).  And because of the time it takes to ramp up the buses to get everyone to schools--first elementary, then middle, then high school, it's probably 4 hours.  In that time, a lot of snow and a lot of accidents can occur.

It is also not uncommon for kids to have a delayed opening (2 hours) after a snow day because of refreeze and icy conditions.  All these things I will need to remind myself of next winter when I am struggling to swallow that my kids are home again.  I have major issues with the structure of our school calendar (and i've been on the calendar committee for a number of years to try and address them).  The kids had a 4 day week at the beginning of November and between days off and 1/2 days and snow days, did not go to school for a full week of school until the 2nd week of January.  I am not exaggerating.  Even the teachers were complaining that it had been so disruptive that the kids were having a difficult time learning and settling into a routine. 

Every snow day (or weekend) at our house starts the same:  the kids get up between 6 and 7am, say good morning to us while we sleep and then play on their devices until we wake up.  Now, I am addicted to the computer--I will admit that.  My kids and husband will tell you I spend more time on the computer than not.  So, while I'm PTA President this year and it is a bad time for me to be doing so, I'm kind of giving up on email a bit lately.  I'm trying to stay off the computer, but the siren of the endless internet--of searching for furnishings and clothes that we legitimately need to trips I want to take, to researching how to do something, I could go on all day and all night.  Don't get me started on the brain candy articles that suck you in, clicking on one link to the next, like a chain smoker. 

So my solution is to focus the vast majority of my computer time in the day, when the kids are not around, and do limited stuff (even at night), because it has become such a time suck.  Now I've moved on to watching TV after their bedtime -- but that's a whole other crutch I need to get off of.

All that said, I feel on solid ground to be telling my kids that they have to turn off the electronics.  They play the same minecraft game and watch You Tube videos of the same gamer (Stimpy-someone).  And while I don't mind any of that in moderation (we let them have the devices on weekend mornings while we sleep in--so for 3-4 hours).  It has been getting to the point where they are waking up early to use their devices (again ONLY to play minecraft and watch the videos) and they are throwing fits when we try and get them to do something else.  So I'm going to figure out how to lock down You Tube and Minecraft and make them play other things while on their devices and if I can't do that, I'm going to completely take them away. 

I'm hoping that with spring coming (it is coming, right?), they will be outside more and it will be less of an issue.  Last summer we traveled A LOT and we let them have the devices ALL the time.  Way too much in fact.  I think they only know what the destinations looked like because they had their noses down everywhere we drove.  Not proud of that, but the fact remains...

Turning over a new leaf...just in time for Spring!

Nine--9 and 50%--1/2

A child who is nine years old seems so old when you are holding a newborn, or dealing with the frustrations of a toddler.  But now that Eddie is 9, I can't fully believe it.  On the one hand, I'm really happy to watch him grow.  It's so fun to see the world through his eyes, to (hopefully) influence him still.  Yet, this is also the half-way point.  We are 50% done with raising Eddie.  And from that perspective, it scares the heck out of me!  There is so much more to teach him, that I feel like there isn't hardly any time left.  Only 8, maybe 9 more summers, Spring Breaks, etc. 

I'm already losing my grip on him -- his birthday was this past weekend.  We threw him a huge laser tag party with 18 friends on Friday night, the day before his birthday.  He then requested to have one kid spend the night after.  The next night, a good friend, who also shares the same birthdate, had a slumber party with 7 other kids.  So for the first time since he was born, we were not with him on his birthday to tuck him in.  At the time we were talking with him about making the decision, it seemed like it would be harder on him than me.  But in reality, in the end, it was way harder on me than him.  He was occupied with all sorts of fun things.  All I could think about was the first night he was born and how I was not going to be tucking him in. 

It's thrilling to know I'm raising a child (or raising an adult) to be independent, but jarring when they start being independent.  Happy Birthday Eddie!  You make your dad and I so proud.

Wi-Fi Password

You know that post-it note from a parent to their kids that is floating around facebook that says if you want the wi-fi password you have to do the 4 things listed on it?  I just did my own version:  read for an hour (after homework is done), empty the DW, help make the dinner and set the table.  And dare I say they liked helping make the dinner!  Normally we are a no-electronics-during-the-week house, but I wanted to let them play AND I wanted them to make dinner.

At ages 6 and 8, the kids have been responsible for emptying the DW, setting and clearing the table and a handful of other things around the house.  I'm trying to expand their responsibilities.  Overhead while Eddie was browning the meat: " It looks like throw up--the color, mom, doesn't it look like throw up?" "Why am I using a pancake flipper to brown meat?" and my personal favorite, he dropped the spatula about 3 times, and I'm proud to say, I remained calm each and every time.  I'm not sure where he was putting it that it fell, but it kept happening!

Josie wanted to help, as she normally helps to cook, so I had her turn on the oven, spray the pan and set out the tater tots.  Now all that is left is the veggie.  Oh joy!

Budgeting

We live pretty frugally in our house, but I know there are some who can pinch a penny tighter.  Every time I see an article on how to save money, I always read it, hoping for some nugget we hadn't thought of.  This got me to thinking of what we do.  So here are the biggies:

1.  Don't spend money.  I mean don't spend money that isn't a need.

2. When spending money, ask if it really is a *need* or if it is a want.  I think this is where 90% of people get into trouble.  What we need is somewhere warm and safe to sleep, food to eat and clothes to wear.  And if you have kids, books to read and some fundamental toys to play with.  Those are needs.  Anything else is a *want*.

3. For 1 week, track every.single.penny that leaves your hands.  Track how it was spent--cash or credit card or check, or whatever.  Put them into categories of type of expense--be precise.  Great if you can do this for even longer, but it is surprisingly tedious to do, so I only ever last a week, but it makes me stop and think.  Do this periodically or if you ever ask yourself 'where did the money go'.

4. Keep a budget--write down all the expenses that come every month regardless of what else is happening in your life.  At the top, put the month and year and then on the left side each of your categories.  If you don't know an amount to start, you can take the average of the last 3 months and add a little.  Doing this in a spreadsheet is great because you can play with the numbers.  Even if you don't have excel knowledge, there are some simple things you can do--such as adding columns--and hey, you'll learn a new skill.  I always have a 'play' column for each year.  So that I can say, what happens if we add 'x' to our monthly budget, what does that do for us.  I have a general 'cash' category that loosely tracks the amount of cash we spend each month.  This is a great place to add a cushion.  If things are too tight for you to add a cushion, try adding just a $5 cushion somewhere.  I like the cash category because it's more flexible.  If you are able, try adding a couple hundred to the budget in the form of a cushion.  I do try and keep the 'regular' monthly bills accurate, so don't cushion there.

If you have credit cards, that is a GREAT place to build a cushion.  I always put in a larger amount and then aim to spend less.  Then I can be proud of myself when we are successful.  Set your budget up so that psychologically you can feel successful, not stressed. You could for instance include a line item for how much you have saved, if you want either a cookie jar or a separate account, or whatever, but after you have written your budget, see if you have extra money each month and if so, take a portion of that and 'save' it. 

Try and fill out the budget at the same time each month, but don't stress if you don't.  A good time to is either right when your bills come in, or right after you paid them.  Set a reminder.  It's okay to fill in historical data--even if it is not complete across all areas, it gives you more info than if you don't.

Include a section for your bank account balances.  It's very telling to look back over time and see where you are.  Try not to do it right after your paycheck is deposited because then your balances will be artificially high.  Try and cluster when your bills are due.  If you need each paycheck to pay the next bills, try and cluster for instance, your utilities and your rent/mortgage so they are due at the same time.  And maybe have your credit cards all due/bill at the same time, or whatever works for you.  It's easier to keep track of and you are less likely to make a mistake.

5.  My mother in law is a master at the following:  take a base meat and make it last several days in a variety of meals.  I will never forget showing up one year and having a big turkey dinner.  The next day, we had turkey Ala king, then turkey noodle casserole and so on.  This went on for 3 or 4 nights.  Meat is expensive and there are other ways to get protein.  Buy fresh or fresh frozen when possible.  The least processed the food is, the cheaper it will be.  Think about it: the more times your food has to be processed, the more hands that touch it, and the more people who have to get paid.  If you are just eating an apple, far less people did something to that than if you eat flavored applesauce. 

6. This ties into the above, but pick a day each week and make a menu for the next week. It works, I swear.  Be flexible, but if you have kids, involve them in the planning.   You can even think about what might be good to have for leftovers.  So we might cook chicken one night and the next have a quesadilla the next. 

7. Hire a babysitter when you go shopping.  Taking kids shopping and teaching them about money is one of the most important responsibilities of being a parent--start it early--like baby early.  That said, I try very hard NOT to take my kids to the store with me and when I do, I prep them and say that I will not be buying anything that is not on my list.  BEFORE you go in the store, say, 'Here is my list, is there anything that needs to be added?'  Have those debates at home or in the car, not in front of the BBQ potato chips that are on sale.  Invariably, while we are in the store, they think of something that to me we logically need and I cave--not always, but more than I'd like.  This brings me to the point of a sitter.  I can pay a neighborhood teenager less money for me to go shopping by myself for 1.5 hours than the cost of the extra stuff I buy if I take my kids.  Or swap with a friend on the kidsit duties--otherwise known as playdates.  Offer to pick up milk or similar for friend.  You are still ahead even if they don't reimburse you.  When you DO take your kids shopping, use it as an educational trip.  Depending on their age, they can do all sorts of things--learn how to pick the fruits and veggies--there are all sorts of articles on how to pick them, or an employee can help.  Or if they are older, have them help you find the cheapest salad dressing.  Teach them about the price tag--cost per unit and how that can be deceptive.  Check the ingredient list on store brand versus name brand and give the cheaper one a try.  If you are organized enough for coupons, bring those and add another layer of education.  Explain the trade offs, if you buy 'x', you can't buy 'y'.

8. Lists.  We maintain a list of stuff we need.  When the circulars come out, we see what is on sale, and that's what we buy that week.  We've been known to be down to the last roll of tp because it hasn't been on sale for a while.

9. This contradicts the first point:  splurge on something for yourself.  By this I mean, buy that fancy coffee once per week for yourself.  Or a similar treat. 

10.  Plan your spending.  There are certain times of the year when certain products are cheaper to buy.  It might only save you a couple hundred, but if you are trying to stick to a budget or save for something, that can translate into an extra night of vacation.  TVs are good to buy right after the superbowl.  Clothing sales are huge in late July and in January.  Perhaps you save up so you can go crazy then.  Buy seasonal decorations at the END of the season or after it has passed.  Oftentimes, retailers are unloading Christmas stuff by mid-December, but the discounts really fly in the days after Christmas.  Is your Dishwasher acting crazy?  Start researching NOW what models are out there and what features are available so that when it dies and can't be repaired, you won't make a rash decision. 

Tons more ideas, but those are the big ones.  In a culture where we are made to feel we need to spend, I'm always amazed to learn that those are build wealth aren't not making millions of dollars, but are making smart decisions with the money they do have.  I love to shop and spend, but I don't love to throw money away.

Happy SAHM

I'm really enjoying being a SAHM.  The PTA thing is good, but in some ways, I wished I had a year to enjoy the SAHM role first, because I have those 'to do' things that I don't feel like doing related to the PTA and then there are all the personalities that I'm learning how to deal with.  On the other hand, it has been a nice way to tapper from the frenetic pace of a full time job.  So far the biggest challenge is days like today, where there is nothing technically on the calender but a 'to do' list so long it will be Christmas before I notice a dent.  I keep repeating advice my mom gave me a couple years ago that I really could have used when I was in high school:  do the thing you dread the most, first. 

While I'm not following that advice as I type on my cathartic blog, I am mindful of it--half the battle.  I keep mentioning how stunned I am by what people share online, and so I think carefully of what I write on here.  The last thing I want is my blog to go viral, I just enjoy writing, but in the last 5-10 years the explosion of people's personal lives has been stunning.  I can't get that out of my head and it definitely holds me back from what I might otherwise say cause you just never know.

My most productive days are when I have something I have to do early or first thing in the morning, it gets me moving, instead of reading article upon article online, telling myself it's just on more article--it's like chain smoking until I have 15 tabs open.  Then I get distracted and tell myself I'm 'researching'--yes, that's it, that's why it's 2 hours after I got the kids to school and I"m still at the computer. 

I'm also researching for what my next steps will be after my 'PTA year' is over.  I've got a short list of organizations I'm looking at volunteering for.  Talking with someone recently they thought that was a great idea--that it could parlay into a job.  While I wouldn't be opposed to getting paid for my volunteering, that kind of defeats the whole point.  I've been wrestling with a couple emotions of not working any more--or rather not getting paid for my work. 

Somehow I feel less valued by society, as in not pulling my own weight because I don't earn money.  There is this vibe out there that everyone should work at a job for which you are paid.  There are so many books and articles on the topic--written by people who are likely struggling with understanding the feelings and dynamics themselves (in addition to trying to explain it to everyone else).  I think part of our problem in society is that we under value people who volunteer full time.  It's the little things--the 5-10 hours spent in any number of tasks that allows those people to feel a connection, to give back and that genuinely helps their community.  It's amazing how small of a commitment can be so helpful and yet the vibe that seems to be out there is one of classification of whose 'job' it is. 

I want my kids to be happy and have good memories of their childhood.  I want them to learn to be respectful of themselves and of others.  I want them to learn and experience the importance of volunteering.  Of doing for others.  Of giving of your time.  Of making time so that you can give of your time.  Where does getting paid fit into all this?

There is something about being involved with the PTA, and definitely with being PTA President, that harkens back to the 1950s.  Bake sales run by women hoping to effect change in their little world or more recently parents who are hell-bent on changing something and stopping at nothing to accomplish their goals.  I don't think either of these is accurate.  Nor is the feeling that people who are active on the PTA don't have anything better to do, or are getting riled up for no reason.  I have started to think of the responses I get when people learn I'm PTA President in categories:  'better you than me' or the 'it's a step into politics' (NO thank you), or it's a step down from what you were doing, or the 'I have no idea what this really means, but it sounds important'. 

I'm in a different position in that I didn't have my training year and I didn't pick my team and I wasn't really involved in much at the school last year, so I'm really playing 'catch up'.  Being PTA President is more challenging than I imagined--but not in the day to day, but in that I had all sorts of ideas that I would have wanted to plan for, that I can't do because there was no planning period, no strategy and that is so frustrating to me.  So, I need to get off the computer and see what I CAN do with the remaining year of the PTA.

Home vs Away ... or TMI

I've made the comment before, but it bears repeating.  I can't get over the number of blogs that are out there.  Really well written, fun to read blogs about parenting.  I sometimes wonder if I would have been one of those well read blogs if I were more careful with my writing and had kept it up while the blogsphere was exploding.  I'm glad that my blog continues to fly under the radar--I like being able to write something that will be online for a while to come and only 6 people regularly know about it...if they even check.

E has gone back and forth about facebook posts.  Sometimes he asks me to take a photo of something and share it on facebook or if I laugh about something he or his sister said or did, he asks, "you aren't going to put that on facebook, are you?".  I feel badly for some of the kids whose lives are laid bare online.  I get that it is cathartic for the parents/writers and even better for the readers who learn that they aren't alone, but I wonder about what I read on another blog:  this generation of kids is growing up being blogged about.  When you google your friends, you'll be able to learn all sorts of things about their life.  It's a weird thing to know that instead of telling your spouse the same story about your dog peeing on your back so many times, said spouse memorizes it too, but spouse will be able to read about it themselves and so many other stories.

How will it work? It is kind of creepy to think of the amount of stories of your life people will be able to access.  I like that I documented J and E's life as babies, a time they obviously won't remember.  But I was so dry with it because I was trying to be careful not to lay bare my soul.  I didn't confess my deepest thoughts online (most of the time), nor did I get into the weeds about much of anything and in some small way, I wish I had.  I wish I had told tons more hilarious stories about them being babies, toddlers and on up.  I wish I'd chosen my words more carefully so it was fun to read, but I guess that is what their baby scrapbooks are for...if I ever do them. 

Insightful comments

Tonight as Eddie hugs me goodnight, he says, "Happy Birthday, mom, enjoy your last night of being in your 30s".  Yikes!  I told him I was a little sad about it.  What I didn't say was that it felt like I had one foot in the grave :)

Josie was a chatterbox.  She said that she hadn't noticed the chickens near our house and wonder if they had died.  She then proceeded to list all the things that could have happened.  She told in great detail about an incident at school where she saw a friend in the hall with 2 teachers with the child ultimately sent to the Principal's office  :(

She was just going on and on with really insightful comments as we drove to and from the super store.  I wish I could remember everything.  In fact, as we drove along, I thought about how I felt I should just hit 'record' to remember it all...should have on my phone :)