I'm really enjoying being a SAHM. The PTA thing is good, but in some ways, I wished I had a year to enjoy the SAHM role first, because I have those 'to do' things that I don't feel like doing related to the PTA and then there are all the personalities that I'm learning how to deal with. On the other hand, it has been a nice way to tapper from the frenetic pace of a full time job. So far the biggest challenge is days like today, where there is nothing technically on the calender but a 'to do' list so long it will be Christmas before I notice a dent. I keep repeating advice my mom gave me a couple years ago that I really could have used when I was in high school: do the thing you dread the most, first.
While I'm not following that advice as I type on my cathartic blog, I am mindful of it--half the battle. I keep mentioning how stunned I am by what people share online, and so I think carefully of what I write on here. The last thing I want is my blog to go viral, I just enjoy writing, but in the last 5-10 years the explosion of people's personal lives has been stunning. I can't get that out of my head and it definitely holds me back from what I might otherwise say cause you just never know.
My most productive days are when I have something I have to do early or first thing in the morning, it gets me moving, instead of reading article upon article online, telling myself it's just on more article--it's like chain smoking until I have 15 tabs open. Then I get distracted and tell myself I'm 'researching'--yes, that's it, that's why it's 2 hours after I got the kids to school and I"m still at the computer.
I'm also researching for what my next steps will be after my 'PTA year' is over. I've got a short list of organizations I'm looking at volunteering for. Talking with someone recently they thought that was a great idea--that it could parlay into a job. While I wouldn't be opposed to getting paid for my volunteering, that kind of defeats the whole point. I've been wrestling with a couple emotions of not working any more--or rather not getting paid for my work.
Somehow I feel less valued by society, as in not pulling my own weight because I don't earn money. There is this vibe out there that everyone should work at a job for which you are paid. There are so many books and articles on the topic--written by people who are likely struggling with understanding the feelings and dynamics themselves (in addition to trying to explain it to everyone else). I think part of our problem in society is that we under value people who volunteer full time. It's the little things--the 5-10 hours spent in any number of tasks that allows those people to feel a connection, to give back and that genuinely helps their community. It's amazing how small of a commitment can be so helpful and yet the vibe that seems to be out there is one of classification of whose 'job' it is.
I want my kids to be happy and have good memories of their childhood. I want them to learn to be respectful of themselves and of others. I want them to learn and experience the importance of volunteering. Of doing for others. Of giving of your time. Of making time so that you can give of your time. Where does getting paid fit into all this?
There is something about being involved with the PTA, and definitely with being PTA President, that harkens back to the 1950s. Bake sales run by women hoping to effect change in their little world or more recently parents who are hell-bent on changing something and stopping at nothing to accomplish their goals. I don't think either of these is accurate. Nor is the feeling that people who are active on the PTA don't have anything better to do, or are getting riled up for no reason. I have started to think of the responses I get when people learn I'm PTA President in categories: 'better you than me' or the 'it's a step into politics' (NO thank you), or it's a step down from what you were doing, or the 'I have no idea what this really means, but it sounds important'.
I'm in a different position in that I didn't have my training year and I didn't pick my team and I wasn't really involved in much at the school last year, so I'm really playing 'catch up'. Being PTA President is more challenging than I imagined--but not in the day to day, but in that I had all sorts of ideas that I would have wanted to plan for, that I can't do because there was no planning period, no strategy and that is so frustrating to me. So, I need to get off the computer and see what I CAN do with the remaining year of the PTA.
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